


Agony Aunt

by Castillon02



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 22:46:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15496395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castillon02/pseuds/Castillon02
Summary: Tanner complains; Q reads between the lines.





	Agony Aunt

**Author's Note:**

> For 007 Fest 2018

“How do you stand it?” Tanner asked, sounding morose, after Bond had left with his equipment. 

Q turned to him, eyebrows shooting up. “I thought you liked him.” 

“I do,” Tanner said quickly. “I mean, we’re friends. You know. We have lunch and go golfing together. It’s just—” 

“Just?” Q prompted. He sat down at his desk and propped his chin on his hands. This sounded like it could be good.  

“You’re always equipping him for yet another mission in yet another foreign land with yet another string of unfairly hot people,” Tanner said. “And you’ll lose yet another gadget yet another time. Doesn’t it get to you?”     

“Not really,” Q said, shrugging. “I mean, yes, a little bit, but it’s the job, isn’t it?” He peered at Tanner. “Go on, what’s really bothering you?” 

Tanner sighed. “He’s just so—” His hands made a strangling motion in the air. “With his stupid blue eyes, and that perpetual bloody smirk, and he drinks all that booze and yet manages to have a ridiculous body–” 

“Not fair at all,” Q interjected softly, a sly smile starting to curve at the edges of his mouth. He was formulating a hypothesis. 

“Exactly! He’s too—it shouldn’t be allowed! And don’t you just want to feed him up and make him get a good night’s sleep?” Tanner looked wistful. 

And it appeared that Q’s hypothesis was correct. “No,” Q said bluntly. “I don’t want that. But that’s because, unlike you, I don’t have a schoolboy crush on the man.” 

“I don’t have a—I mean…” Tanner deflated. “It’s a very manly, adult crush.”  

“I’m sure it is,” Q said, smirking. “Would you hyphenate if you married him?” 

“No, we’d keep our own—Q! Stop. It’s not going to happen.”  Tanner glanced away, looking like nothing so much as a scolded puppy. 

Q had never been able to resist Tanner’s puppy face. He tsked. “Don’t be defeatist, Tanner. After all, you have me on your side.”  

Tanner looked up. “I do?” 

“Of course you do,” Q said. “And Bond will be gone for at least three weeks, which will give us plenty of time to plan out Operation: Seduce the Seducer.”

Tanner brightened. “You really think so?” 

Q lifted his nose in aristocratic affectation. “I’m a genius, Tanner. What’s the worst that can happen?” 

Tanner laughed, which had been Q’s goal all along. “I’ve seen some of your prototypes that didn’t make it past testing, you know.” 

“And this operation will run as smoothly as an explosive watch,” Q answered, unbothered. “Now go on, I have planning to do. Go be all-knowing at the junior agents or something.” 

“They did seem like they needed a good ruffling up,” Tanner mused. “All right. Thank you, Q.” 

Q waved him off. As soon as he was gone, he sent Moneypenny a text.  _Tanner and Bond are mutually pining for each other, y/n?_

_Bond was just up here complaining that he willingly set foot in a McDonalds because Tanner wanted some fries after golf, and he doesn’t know how much stronger a message he can send_ , Moneypenny replied.  _Y. Def y._

Well, that made things considerably easier. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Constructive criticism is welcome. <3


End file.
